


Talk to Me

by ce_ucumatli



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Mentions of Violence, post-sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2018-12-10 18:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11697588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ce_ucumatli/pseuds/ce_ucumatli
Summary: After Delphine returns from Geneva, she and Cosima finally have the time to talk.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in season 5, between episodes 7 and 8.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome.

Cosima stepped out of the dingy little bathroom, her body still pleasantly tender from Delphine’s fingers and mouth and thighs. It was afternoon now, so the sun no longer shone right into the basement bedroom, but there was enough light to see Delphine stretched diagonally across the bed, sheets only covering her from the hips down, her torso turned so she could wrap her arms around Cosima’s pillow. Seeing her there, long and soft and perfect, was enough to make Cosima pause and grin like an idiot.

“I’m gone for five minutes and you take up the entire bed?” she said, settling into the space remaining between Delphine and the edge of the bed.

Delphine rolled her top half off of Cosima’s pillow and reached one arm over her head. “You were gone more than five minutes. I missed you.”

Removing her glasses and setting them back on the bedside table, Cosima considered trying to give Delphine a third orgasm. The first one hardly counted, she thought. They’d been standing, backed against the desk, Delphine had been wearing all of her clothes, and once Cosima put her hand down Delphine’s pants it had taken less than three minutes to make her come. That wasn’t sex, Cosima thought; that was necessity. The second time was better, long, tender, and drawn out, with her face between Delphine’s legs. She’d spent months thinking she’d never be down there again, and after Delphine came, screaming Cosima’s name and pulling on her hair, they had both cried.

“I missed you, too,” Cosima said, pushing a strand of hair behind Delphine’s ear. She remembered the last time, before the Rabbit Hole, before Revival and Brightborn and months of wondering where the hell Delphine was. Before Shay, before Frankfurt. 

The last time they had sex, Delphine had cried, too, because Cosima was dying, and they had both known that it might be the last time. Delphine almost hadn’t even come then, almost hadn’t even tried, insisted that Cosima needed her rest, worried that one of them would break the hospital bed or damage Cosima’s breathing tubes. In the end, nothing was damaged. Delphine had straddled her on the bed in the lab, supporting herself with one arm while Cosima watched her masturbate until she begged Cosima to touch her, and Cosima had, gladly if a bit weakly. Less than twelve hours later, Rachel Duncan sent Delphine to Frankfurt, and their relationship went out the window. 

“What are you thinking about?” Delphine asked.

Cosima smiled and trailed her fingers down Delphine’s cheek. “Everything,” she said.

Delphine gave her a classic smirk, eyes hooded, eyebrows raised, lips twitching up on the side. “Everything?”

Cosima could have given a saucy reply, or pinched Delphine’s nipple, but she realized that it wasn’t sex she wanted now, after all. She took a deep breath and sighed. “There’s been a lot. You know?”

And Delphine knew. She nodded and linked her fingers through Cosima’s. 

“I think we have a lot to talk about,” Cosima went on.

Now it was Delphine’s turn to sigh. “Yes, we do.”

“And I know you can’t tell me everything. That’s okay. But... maybe you can tell me some things? I mean, I haven’t really had a... a real, open conversation with you since before you left for Frankfurt.”

Delphine’s eyebrows rose again as she, too, though of how much time had passed. “That’s a lot of ground to cover, chérie.”

“Yeah. But, it’s there.”

“Yes, it is.” For several moments, they lay silently, Delphine watching Cosima’s face and Cosima looking down at their joined hands resting between the pillows. “Where do yo want to start?” Delphine asked.

Cosima chewed on her lip, then raised herself up on one hand and scooted down the bed until the top of her head was level with Delphine’s nipples. With her other hand, she stroked Delphine’s stomach, circling the puckered little scar below her ribs. The circles tightened until her forefinger brushed the scar itself and Delphine twitched. 

“Does it hurt?” Cosima asked.

“No. Not really. It’s just... very sensitive. Not in a good way, though.”

Cosima pulled her fingers away and kissed the skin just beside the scar, then nuzzled Delphine’s stomach. “Was Duko the one that shot you?” she asked. She had a thousand questions swirling in her head, and it surprised her a little that that one came out first, but she had to start somewhere.

“Who?”

“Marty Duko. Tall, thin guy with a beard and glasses. He was a cop with Art.” He killed Kendall, she thought, and would’ve killed me if Evie told him to.

“That sounds like him. I don’t know if he was a cop or not, though. I never saw him before that night, and I haven’t seen him since.” Delphine brushed her hand over Cosima’s hair and gingerly took her fingers into her own. “You know him, then?”

“I met him once.” With Delphine in her arms, it seemed sinful to take herself back to the night Kendall died, the night she heard that Delphine was dead. She almost left it there, changed the subject, but communication needed to start somewhere, and if she wanted Delphine to talk, she needed to do the same. Taking a deep breath, she managed, “Duko killed Kendall. He, uh, he kidnapped her and drove her out to this field, and Evie Cho had me, so she drove me out there with them. They wanted me to see it.”

Delphine’s fingers tightened on hers. “Did you?”

She shook her head. It was easier to talk here, with her cheek pressed to Delphine’s ribs, not looking into her eyes. “Kendall made me turn around. She knew what was coming, and... and she tried to protect me. I heard the shot, though, and I saw the fire that destroyed her body.” She felt Delphine take a deep breath, and she went on. “I thought he was going to shoot me, too, but they all just drove away. Left me behind with.... the burning van.” 

Delphine said nothing, but swallowed audibly and pulled Cosima’s hand up towards her breast, gripping it in her own.

“They told me you were dead,” Cosima whispered. “After shooting Kendall. I’d asked about you. I asked Evie that same day, and she pretended not to know who you even were, and that night she told me you were shot dead in a Dyad parking garage.”

She had thought it didn’t matter anymore. Delphine was alive, and they were together, so she didn’t need to be upset about Evie’s lie anymore. Lying against Delphine’s body, though, inches away from the spot where a bullet tore into Delphine’s beautiful body, the pain welled up again, and she was crying again.


	2. Chapter 2

“You know, I didn’t plan on crying this much the day you got back,” Cosima said. Her head rested on the pillow beside Delphine, who had kissed every tear-damp inch of her face until her breathing returned to normal. “You might think I’m not happy to see you.”

Delphine tutted softly. “I won’t think that at all. Besides, I cried, too, remember?”

“Yeah, but you always cry after sex. Even with boys.” She smiled at Delphine, tongue visible between her teeth, and Delphine snorted. In the months since Delphine had first told Cosima that, they established that that was not, in fact, true. Delphine may have always cried after sex with boys, but with Cosima she almost never cried. Today being an obvious exception.

“Do you feel better now?” Delphine asked.

“Yes. I think so.” 

They lay silently for a bit, listening to the building creaking around them and the occasional steps upstairs, where Hell Wizard tended the comic shop. Charlotte was out for the day, seeing museums and parks and getting junk food with Scott, who’d solemnly sworn to stay away from the basement until at least 8 pm. 

“Can I ask you something?” Delphine whispered. “Since we’re being honest with each other?”

“Of course.”

Delphine’s fingers traced the lines of Cosima’s collarbones and down between her breasts, and her eyes followed her fingers. After licking her lips a few times, she asked, “Were you in love with Shay?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Really. I liked her a lot, don’t get me wrong. I cared about her. But... she wasn’t you.”

“You met her online, with a dating app.”

“Yes.... and?”

Delphine ran one finger under the swell of Cosima’s right breast and paused, chewing her lip. “Was she good? The sex, I mean, was it good?”

Cosima shifted beside her. “Do you really want me to answer that?” Delphine nodded, so she took a deep breath and prepared herself to tell an uncomfortable truth. “Yeah, she was good. The sex was good.” _Please don’t ask me if it’s better than sex with you_ , she mentally begged. 

Fortunately, Delphine did not ask about that, but nodded again and finally looked up into Cosima’s eyes. “I thought it probably was. Shay seemed, eh, experienced that way.”

Cosima couldn’t think of a good reply, so she gave none, and watched Delphine’s face. Delphine’s eyelids were still pink from crying earlier, and her cheeks were flushed from the sex, but her eyes were dry, and the frown she wore was small. Delphine said she had at least a few days to spend here, and soon they could have all the time they wanted, she said, but Cosima didn’t trust that. She could not trust that Delphine wouldn’t be snatched out from under her at any moment, so she watched Delphine as though she would never be able to look at her again. 

“It’s your turn,” Delphine said. “To ask me something.”

“You broke up with me,” she said after a moment. It was not a question, but a statement she needed to get out. “When I was sick. After you’d been gone, totally unreachable, for weeks. After you spent time with Sarah and with Alison, but not with me.”

Now tears welled up in Delphine’s eyes, and Cosima hated that, but she did not regret it. She’d told Delphine, those months ago in front of Bubbles, that she understood everything Delphine had done for her, and intellectually, she’d meant it. Delphine had been the head of Dyad. Dating a junior employee, not to mention a research subject, was almost certainly banned by the employee manual, and Delphine had needed to project an image of objectivity and power.

But still. 

Drawing a deep breath, Delphine nodded. “Yes. And I have hated myself for that ever since.”

Cosima kissed away the tear that slipped down Delphine’s temple towards the pillow. Then she kissed her nose, her chin, and her lower lip. “I wanted to hate you,” she said, “after that. I kind of hated myself for even letting you do that, letting you getting under my skin that much when I knew....” Her voice caught in her throat and she fell back onto the bed. 

“When you knew what, chérie?”

Instead of answering, Cosima shook her head, looking up at the ceiling. “It doesn’t matter now. That stuff’s all over with, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.” Delphine took Cosima’s hand firmly in her own and watched her. “Even if it’s over, as you say, though, I still want to know what you were thinking. Maybe... why you kept so much from me.”

“Like the book.”

Delphine nodded. “Like the book.” She sighed and nestled her head against Cosima’s. “You didn’t trust me.”

“No, I didn’t.” Cosima sighed and opened her mouth a few times like she had more to say, but no words came out. At least the verb tense was accurate - _I didn’t trust you_ instead of _I don’t trust you_ , because she trusted Delphine now, trusted her to be on the clones’ side and not Dyad’s or Neolution’s. She trusted that Delphine’s secrets had a purpose, and that one day Cosima would know all of them. And she did not really want to confess that hiding book had never been all about trust, no matter what she told herself at the time.

“You trust me now, though?” Delphine asked.

“Yes.” Turning, Cosima gave her a small smile. Seeing Delphine’s expression, open and waiting for her to continue, Cosima rolled onto her side to face her, then pulled the covers up higher to keep them warm. “Do I really need to tell you why I didn’t trust you before?”

“What did you think I would do?”

_That means yes_ , Cosima thought. She did need to tell Delphine again why she hadn’t trusted her back then. Her right hand was holding Delphine’s, so she used her left to gently tap Delphine’s lower lip. “I thought that you would give everything to Dyad and/ or Topside, which meant giving it to Nealon and to every other crazy evil person who wanted to manipulate the human genome and screw us all over. In summary.” Before Delphine could respond, she added, “and yes, I know now that you were busting your ass to protect us, but I did not know that at the time.”

Delphine’s eyes closed briefly, and she sank deeper into the pillow. “I was,” she said. “I promised to protect you. Always.”

“And I know that you were doing that the whole time. I know that now.” Looking into her eyes, she squeezed Delphine’s hand for emphasis. She did need Delphine to know that, yes, she understood all of that now. “But you said you wanted to know what I was thinking _then_. When I was hiding things from you.... when we were both hiding things from each other, because we thought we had to.” 

“I hid things from you because I love you.”

_Damn it_. Cosima could not say the same, and she was certain Delphine knew that. “Yes, I know you did. I know that now. But, it didn’t always feel that way at the time. It felt...” Cosima rolled a few words around in her head, needing to get it right.

“Like betrayal?” Delphine offered. 

“Something like that, yeah.”

Delphine smiled then, the same smile she’d had after Cosima threatened to ruin her career if she betrayed them again. The night they’d gotten baked together in the lab and Delphine told Cosima that she loved her. 

“When you broke up with me,” Cosima went on, “it felt like you didn’t love me any more. And I know, I know that’s not why you did it, but that’s how it felt. It was hard for me to believe that you were on my side if...”

Unexpectedly, tears sprang back into Cosima’s eyes, and her throat tightened. Delphine cupped her face in her palm and brushed her lips against Cosima’s cheek. “If what?”

“If it was that easy for you to walk away from me.” And she knew, of course, because Delphine had just told her, that walking away had not been easy for her, but a broken heart doesn’t mend so easily. 

Delphine seemed to understand, and she kissed Cosima’s lips and her swollen eyelids and pressed their bodies together under the blankets. “Mon amour,” she whispered, “I have never, ever stopped loving you.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Can you tell me why PT, or John, I guess, brought you to the island? Why he saved you after you got shot?”

They were sitting now, with Delphine propped up against all the pillows that had migrated to the Rabbit Hole over the past several months. Cosima nestled between her legs, her back against Delphine’s chest and a hand on each knee. Delphine toyed with one of Cosima’s dreadlocks between her fingers and kissed her temple before answering.

“I can tell you as much as I know, or what I assume to be true.”

“That works.”

Delphine took the lock of hair in her fingers and brushed it against her own cheek, then held it under her nose and breathed in. Cosima squeezed her thigh.

“Are you gonna tell me, or are you just gonna smell my hair?”

“I’m going to do both. The man who calls himself Mr. Westmoreland knew I was the head of Dyad. He knew I worked with clones, and he knew about my medical background. Leekie told him about me, he said. According to him, he’d wanted to get me in his circle for some time, but I don’t know how true that is.”

“Yeah, he’s kinda full of shit, isn’t he?”

“Mmhm.” Delphine finally dropped Cosima’s hair and rested her hand against Cosima’s stomach. “He is full of a lot of shit, but he’s more transparent than he thinks he is, for people who want to see.”

“People like you.”

“Yes. And like you.” She sighed. “Van Lier knew that Evie Cho and some of the other Neolutionists wanted me out of the way, so he--”

“Wait.” Cosima half-turned in Delphine’s arms and held up a hand. “The people who... who got you shot, like, Duko and all them, they were Neolution? But then Neolution saved you? I’m confused.”

Delphine laughed and nodded. “It is confusing. There are different factions with various ties to Neolution. Some of them know about their ties, and some of them don’t. They all have different agendas, different goals, and different morals, as you’ve seen with Coady and Susan Duncan, even. Some parts of Neolution wanted me dead; Nealon told me that.”

“Oh, shit, Nealon was Neolution, too?” Cosima settled back against Delphine’s chest and readjusted the blanket over them. “Maybe I shouldn’t really be surprised. He’s the one who intercepted Rachel. I guess he’s the one who sent her to the island, then.”

“I believe so, yes.”

“He played all of us. He played us against each other.”

“He did his part.” 

Cosima thought back to her time with Dr. Nealon, her doctor for the months when Delphine was in charge of Dyad. He’d always creeped her out a little bit, with his loose skin, watery eyes, and vaguely Mengelian outlook on life. His treatment of her, though, had been nothing but professional. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him and Delphine interact. “So, what,” she asked, “did Nealon just walk into your office one day and tell you Neolution wanted you dead? How’d that work out for him?”

“Not exactly.” Delphine was silent for a few moments then, running her fingers over Cosima’s knuckles and wrist bones. When she asked the question, Cosima’s tone had been light, but she knew it was a loaded topic. “I found out that he’d replaced Rachel with Krystal Goderich, so I had him arrested, and when I interrogated him, he told me about Neolution’s role in things. Fortunately for us, too, because I could then call Sarah and stop her from giving Kendall’s DNA to Ferdinand.”

“Oh, God, Ferdinand.” Cosima curled her lip in distain and dug her fingertips into Delphine’s thigh.

Delphine arched an eyebrow that Cosima did not see. “What about him?”

“Well, he’s a terrible person, for starters. I’m not even sure I’d call him a person most of the time. Not any more.”

“I see.”

“But, you were telling me about Nealon. I’ll fill you on Ferdinand later.” Cosima tilted her head back to give her a small smile. “Your story is much more interesting.”

“If you say so.” Delphine bent to kiss her, lingering on her lips a moment before sliding her tongue inside her mouth. She did not give the impression of wanting to continue, so Cosima pulled away.

“Are you trying to distract me?”

“Not intentionally.” 

Delphine was smirking again, though, and when she bit her lower lip Cosima knew she was full of it. “No, no, you don’t.” Turning her whole body this time, she propped one arm against the wall and looked right into Delphine’s eyes. “I have waited too damn long to have this conversation with you.”

With a sigh, Delphine dropped her head back against the headboard and ran her fingers through her hair. “All right, but I have lost track. What is it you wanted to know?”

“Nealon. You said you arrested him and he told you Neolution wanted to kill you.”

“Yes.”

Cosima gently prodded the skin below Delphine’s sternum. “Tell more more about that.”

“Well, first he offered me a position, a ‘one-time offer,’ as he called it, with Neolution. He said they had a place for me. I refused.”

Cosima frowned. “Did he mean the place on the island? You got there anyway.”

“I’m not sure if that’s what he meant. I didn’t ask.”

“When did he tell you this?”

“The day I was shot. The day Ferdinand was supposed to take samples from Kendall Malone. He offered me a position, showed me a video of Rachel on the island, and when I called for the guards to take him away, no one came.”

“What? Weren’t there guards around him already? Around you?” Cosima remembered Delphine’s days at Dyad, and how guards or assistants had never been too far away from the new director.

“There were, at first. They should have come instantly, and when they didn’t, I knew something was wrong.” She took a deep breath. “And then Nealon attacked me.”

“He attacked you?”

“Yes. He tried to strangle me, and this little worm-thing came out of his mouth, like he was trying to.... to attack me with it somehow.”

“Oh shit.” Cosima sat straight up. “Did it go in your mouth? Did it actually....” Not bothering to finish the sentence, she reached over and turned Delphine’s face from side to side, looking at her cheeks. But of course, it wasn’t visible, and the light was low in the basement now. She would need a flashlight or an ultrasound.

Delphine took her wrist and stilled it. “No, chérie. It didn’t touch me. Don’t worry.”

With a slow breath, Cosima relaxed. “Thank God.” Then another thought occurred to her. Delphine, after all, had been with Neolution before they even met, and if Leekie had a bot in his cheek without anyone knowing about it.... “You didn’t get one before, then?” she asked. 

“One of those worms?” Delphine almost laughed. “No. Why would I get one, and how?”

“Well, Leekie had one. Apparently it was all the rage for a certain sort of Neolutionist. They put one in Sarah and she didn’t even know it.”

Now it was Delphine’s turn to lean away and stare at her girlfriend with wide eyes. “Are you serious?”

“Completely. Here, I’ll show you.” Cosima climbed out of bed and wrapped herself in a small throw blanket that covered her torso and most of her buttocks. Delphine stayed seated in the bed while Cosima bounded over to one of the storage cabinets and returned with two glass vials. “Did Nealon’s worm look like these guys?”

Even in the waning light, Delphine’s face paled. She took one of the vials to inspect more closely. “Yes. Exactly like this. Where did you get these?”

Cosima settled onto the bed. “Well, that one came from Sarah’s cheek. It was implanted sometime while she was held at Dyad, we’re not sure when. Without her consent, obviously. This one-” She held up the other vial. “-came from Dr. Leekie. Apparently it was modifying his genes to prevent Alzheimer’s.”

“That was in Aldous Leekie’s face? How....?” With Sarah’s bot still in her left hand, Delphine pointed to the other vial. 

“How did we get it?”

“Among other questions, yes. And why do you have that cheeky grin all of a sudden?”

Cosima’s grin widened, showing her tongue peeking through her teeth. “Now, that is a funny story. You know how Rachel told you Leekie died in a plane crash?”

“She said he had a heart attack on a private jet.”

“Yeah, same thing, total bullshit, nobody believed her. We all thought Dyad just had him eliminated, like, in his house or something, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, he was killed, obviously, but not by Dyad. Donnie Hendrix shot him in the head and buried him under their garage.” Seeing Delphine do the same open-mouthed double take she herself had made upon learning that, Cosima giggled. “Alison helped, of course. With the burying, not the killing.”

“Putain de merde,” Delphine whispered.

“I know, right? We had no idea. Totally puts Alison and Donnie both in a whole new light. It worked out pretty well, though, because once we knew Neos got these bots in themselves voluntarily, Alison dug up his head and sent it to us in an insulated handbag bag so we could extract this little guy for study.”

Still gaping, Delphine looked from Cosima’s smug face to the bots in their vials, and back to Cosima again. Despite the gruesomeness of the conversation topic, or perhaps because of the contrast it provided, Cosima was again struck by just how beautiful Delphine was, especially with her hair so delightfully mussed. The little voice in Cosima’s head reminded her that she still only had a few days with Delphine, which would even out to maybe less than 24 hours alone and awake with her before she jaunted off to France. She pushed the little voice aside, though, focusing on the matter at hand.

“We should probably check that you don’t have one of these in you, though,” she said. “You were with Neolution long enough, they could’ve snuck one in without you ever knowing about it.”

Delphine ran her tongue around inside her mouth, the same way Cosima had when she learned about the bots. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Well, no one does. It’s weird, because they’re not super tiny, but they affect the nerves inside the mouth just so that the host isn’t aware of their presence.” Cosima rose again from the bed, took the second vial from Delphine, and put both of them back in storage. “Come on, indulge me. I’ll give you ice cream afterwards.”

“Eskimo pies?”

“What else? I sent Hell-Wizard out to buy some the minute I heard you were coming back. Come on.” She dug around some drawers for a flashlight, but she was getting cold, so she dropped the blanket and pulled her pants back on.

Delphine, still in bed, pouted. “You can check me if you want, but do we really have to get dressed again?”

Cosima checked her cell phone on the dresser. It was just after 7, and there was a text from Scott inviting them to join him, Hell-Wizard, and Charlotte at Dave & Buster’s later. She tapped a quick acceptance to the invitation and put the phone back down. “Well, we’re getting dinner with Scott and Charlotte after I check your face for bots, so if you wanna be naked for that, I won’t really complain, but you might get arrested. And you’ll be cold.

Delphine muttered something French under her breath as she climbed out of the bed, giving Cosima a great view of her ass as she gathered up her clothing. “Let me pee first.”

“Whatever you need, babe. We’ve even got a little room for that.” 

She got a swat on the arm for that, probably deserved, but she saw Delphine trying to hide her smile as she walked to the bathroom. While Delphine was in there, Cosima finished dressing, and her mind drifted back to the worry about how they would remove a bot if Delphine actually had one. Evie Cho was dead, and she had been their only option to remove Sarah’s bot safely. Cosima thought she might be able to remove it herself, based on her observations of Sarah’s procedure, but that was a big might that could cost Delphine’s life if she was wrong. 

The flashlight was buried in the back of one of the kitchenette drawers. She found it just as Delphine exited the bathroom, thankfully, since she really wanted Delphine to think that she had her shit together. Delphine wore jeans and a T-shirt, her haired pulled into an “I don’t want to fuck with it” pony tail that matched her facial expression as she sat on the lab stool next to Cosima.

“You’re going to use a flashlight?” she asked. “To find a robot worm inside my face?”

“That’s how we found Sarah’s. Open up, babe.”

Looking inside Delphine’s mouth like this was an odd mixture of intimate and clinical. Cosima’s tongue and some of her fingers had explored as much of that mouth as they could reach on various occassions, but Cosima had never spent much time looking inside. In a moment, she noticed that Delphine still had her tonsils but not her wisdom teeth, and two silver fillings capped her back teeth. More importantly, she didn’t have any bots in her cheeks. She let out the breath she’d been holding since Delphine opened her mouth, and switched off the flashlight.

“Looks good, babe. No bots.”

“Elch. Thank goodness.” Delphine rinsed her mouth a few times, then flopped back onto the bed. “Do you feel better now?”

Cosima draped herself beside her and kissed her. “I feel much better, yes. To be honest, I have no idea how we would have removed it if you did have one, so this simplifies things a lot.”

Delphine jabbed her in her side, making her squawk. “That’s very reassuring, chérie, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, babe.”

They lay side by side, looking into each other’s eyes with their feet dangling off the side of the bed. “Have I answered all of your questions?” Delphine asked. 

“You’ve answered a lot of them.”

“Good.”

“Just one more, if that’s okay?”

“Of course.”

“What happened to Dr. Nealon?”

Delphine paused and raised her eyebrows. “I shot him,” she said.

“You shot him?” Cosima realized that she kept repeated herself, but she couldn’t help it. She’d known Delphine had a gun, but she could not imagine her using it. Or could she? She had threatened Shay, after all.

“Yes, to get him off me while he was strangling me. It worked. He got off me, worm and all. He died a few minutes later.”

“Holy shit.” Cosima stroked her face, watching her avoid eye contact. “That must’ve been awful.”

“It’s not something I want to repeat.” Finally, Delphine met her eyes and forced a smile. “I’m fine now.”

“Okay. Not completely sure I believe you, but okay. What about you? Do you any more questions for me?”

“Yes, but most of them can wait.”

Cosima lifted herself up to look down at her. “You sure? We have a little more time before we have to go.”

“I’m sure. They’re not even specific questions, really. I just want to know what you were up to, what you did, what you thought about, while I was away. I know you worked on the cure, of course, and you dealt with Kendall Malone and everything that happened to her, but I want to know about everything else, too. Even the everyday, the banal things you did or thought about. All of it.”

Cosima leaned down and kissed her, pulling on her lower lip. “I thought about you. Constantly.”

Delphine jabbed her again. “Brat.”

“I’m serious! Ask anyone that was here. Ask Scott. Hell, ask Mrs. S, she heard all about you, too.”

“I will.”

A tentative knock sounded from the top of the stairs. “Cosima?” Hell-wizard called down.

“We’ll be up in a minute!” Cosima called back. Leaning her head next to Delphine’s, she sighed. “Do you really have to go to France in two days?”

“I’m afraid so, yes. But only for a few days. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“And I can’t go with you.”

“Not with Neolution still looking for you, no. I won’t risk it.”

Cosima wrapped her arm around Delphine’s midsection and pulled her close. “I still love you. You know that, right?”

Delphine kissed her forehead. “I know. And I love you. Je t’aime. Toujours.”


	4. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between episodes 5x08 and 5x09, with some minor canon-divergence at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and forth about making this a stand-alone piece, and decided it works here, too.

Helena was missing.

Siobhan Sadler was dead.

Neolution-affiliated cops were AWOL.

And Delphine had a plane ticket to Charles de Gaulle Airport for seven o'clock tomorrow morning.

Cosima tried keeping her voice level. “You said it was done.”

Delphine looked up from her phone. She'd been buried in it, or in her laptop, all morning, pausing only to tell Cosima about her flight, five minutes ago. “The work is done. Neolution is exposed.”

“Exposed doesn't mean dead. And you're still flying to France.”

“Yes. This contact of ours, he... he risked a lot to help us, and now he needs our help.”

“Then send Adele! Or someone else!”

Delphine's eyebrows arched. “Adele's French is terrible, you know that. That's why they needed me so much in Geneva.”

“I thought you were in Geneva to, to- ” She snapped her fingers a few times. “- to show them how to put all the pieces together, or whatever. That's what Siobhan said.” Forty-eight hours ago they'd had that conversation. Maybe less than that. “And besides, your contact probably speaks better English than half of North America, so the French part doesn't even matter.”

“Cosima...”

“What?”

“I told you when I got here that I might have to leave again, and soon.”

“Yeah, you told me lots of things.” Her heart was pounding again, making her whole body tremble. She pushed her palms against her waist to keep herself together.

Delphine rose and went to her, socked feet silent on the floor, and she took Cosima's face in her hands. Her hands were always cold, like her feet and the tip of her nose, and being in the basement of the Rabbit Hole didn't help much, but they were soft. “I will be back soon. I promise.”

As cool as her fingers were, Delphine's arms were warm, and her body was warm when Cosima leaned against it. It was warm and firm and _alive_ , goddamn it. Her breath tickled Cosima's ear and her pulse thumped against the side of her neck where Cosima rested her cheek. 

Fucking hell, hadn't she cried enough this week?

“Neolution is wiping out the people who let this happen,” she said, as calmly as her body allowed, into Delphine's shoulder. “They know you. They know what you've done, and they are keeping all of their eyes out for you.”

Delphine's lips brushed her hairline. “Yes, they are, and yes, they do. And I am being as cautious as possible, chérie. I have every intention of coming back and seeing you again.”

The tears came out then, leaking from Cosima's eyes and into the cotton of Delphine's shirt. “Yeah, Siobhan had that intention, too.”

Delphine sighed and kissed her temple, then shifted her weight and the position of her arms around Cosima. Maybe she was uncomfortable. Cosima just held on tighter. 

“Who's gonna tell me you're dead this time?” she asked. “PT himself? Maybe he'll send Mud over to tell me, with that damn cow bell around her neck. Or maybe I'll just sit here wondering, like I did last time, letting my imagination fill in the fucking blanks for me.”

“Cosima, shhh... I'll be safe.”

“How do you know?”

Delphine brushed away her tears with a cool finger. “I have some experience with this, you know.”

“Yeah? Last time you flew anywhere, PT still thought he had you in his pocket. Situation's changed a bit.”

She sighed again. “Yes, it has, but...”

“Delphine, they got Helena!”

As Cosima raised her voice, Delphine stepped back and looked away, but Cosima kept going.

“If they can get Helena, what the hell makes you think they can't get you? You're not exactly a trained assassin who's spent her life going under the radar.”

Delphine didn't answer. She had her hands on her hips, in the fashion of Dr. Cormier, and she looked at the table of inoculation vials in various stages of readiness. 

“And I mean,” Cosima added, swallowing some of her angst, “I was kinda hoping you'd help us out with this whole 'Curing the Ledas' business, too, and you can't really do that if you're dead. You can't really do that if you're sitting in France alive, either, but that's not what I'm worried about.”

“You don't need my help, chérie.” Delphine smiled at her, her eyes a bit damper than usual as well.

At least she wasn't angry. Cosima hooked a finger in the waist of Delphine's pants and pulled her close again. “Maybe I don't. But I want it.” 

She kissed her gently, recommitting to memory the specific shape and texture of each of Delphine's lips, individually and together. It wouldn't be their last kiss, but the last one could be soon, and Cosima wasn't about to let them to go to waste. 

Delphine's phone buzzed, breaking the moment.

“It's Adele,” she said. Her eyes shuttled back and forth over the message, her lips pouting.

The little fire in Cosima's stomach flared. “Okay, so what does Adele have to say? Or can't you tell me?”

“No, it's okay. I told you, I'll tell you everything.”

“And yet...” Cosima paced in a tiny circle. “And yet, you're not telling me.”

Delphine clicked her tongue against her teeth. “It's about our contact in Kuwait, Fawzi Al Harbi. He, uh... he was found dead in his private swimming pool last night, and all of his private security guards have gone missing.”

Dead. Security guards missing. The fire in Cosima's gut roared now, and she pressed one hand against her stomach and another on her lower back to keep it inside. “Let me guess. There are no suspects at this time.”

“No.”

She paced around the perimeter of the lab, counting her breaths in Spanish like she had as a teenager, before she discovered the anti-anxiety properties of weed. God, she needed some right now, though, and stupid fucking Scott let the whole crop go to waste while she was on the island. That bastard. 

“Chérie. This doesn't mean...”

“This doesn't mean you have to go! This contact, this guy in Paris, whose name I don't even know, is his life in so much danger that yours is worth risking?” She was shouting again, and she didn't care. “And if, maybe it is, okay, but what are you going to be able to do to save him? If Neolution is creeping up behind him, what are you going to do to stop them?”

Delphine pushed her hair back. “Move him out of their line of sight, primarily. Put him somewhere where they can't get to him.”

“Yeah, where's that?”

“Well, I was considering putting him here.”

“Here?”

“But.” Delphine held up a finger. “I am also considering many other options. I won't know how viable they are, though, unless I go to France.”

Cosima kicked at a piece of chipped paint on the wall near the stairs, out of reasonable objections and running out of hope. “I guess my opinion on the subject doesn't really matter much, does it?”

Delphine let out a mix between a sigh and a groan. “Cosima, please.”

“No, no, it's cool. You know a lot more about this stuff than I do. Obviously.”

Delphine was silent, but the look on her face said, “yes, I do.” 

Well, she wasn't going to cry any more over it if she could help it. She crossed her arms. “Your flight leaves at seven, you said?” 

“Yes. So I should leave here around 4:30.” 

It was almost noon. A walk sounded great right now, a brisk stomping stroll around the city to clear her head and burn off some nervous energy, but she only had sixteen and a half hours left with Delphine. Possibly ever. She wasn't going to cry again. 

“This isn't what I want, either,” Delphine said. 

“Yeah, you know, you say that a lot.”

And Delphine had that look on her face again. The one she'd had back in Minnesota, and various points since. That kicked puppy dog look where she'd thought everything was okay until Cosima stuck a pin into that idea. “Cosima,” she said, “please don't push against this.”

“Right. Defy them. Not defy you.”

“It isn't like that. I'm not doing Neolution's business, I'm not doing anything against the clones, or against you.”

“Funny, it sure feels like you are.”

In the past, Delphine might've grabbed at her arms, but now she stood still, sucking on her lower lip. “I wish I could promise you it will all be okay.”

“Please don't.”

“I won't. I can't. I can't even promise you that we'll be safe staying here, where you've been safe all along. Neolution could be lingering right outside the door. Hell-wizard could be a Neolution plant who's just biding his time until he kills you and delivers me to Westmoreland.”

“Oh, come on, now you're just making fun of me.”

“Not at all. My point is this – I'm not in any more danger flying to France than staying here.”

“I don't really agree with you there.”

“No? Siobhan's house, think about that. That was the safest place to be, outside of this room, wasn't it?”

“Only when she was in it, and not even then. They had a safe house for a fucking reason.”

“Would you feel better if I brought Benjamin with me?”

Now she really was teasing. “Benjamin doesn't trust you.”

“Yes, I know that. And Sarah hates me again, and Felix has avoided me for the past twenty-four hours. I'm surprised Detective Bell hasn't dropped by to ask me a few questions, but there's still time for that. And you're angry with me, too. Perhaps I should bring Adele along after all; she seems to be the only person other than Scott and Charlotte whose feelings for me haven't soured.”

“Oh, come on.” Cosima rolled her head around. If Delphine wanted to get a rise out of her, it wasn't going to work. “Alison still likes you.”

Delphine snorted, both hands in her hair. “Yes, quite a lot apparently. She's beside herself telling me how thankful she is for my sacrifices. I never quite know what to say in response.” She tried a small smile, which Cosima didn't return, then let her hands fall to her sides. 

Cosima watched her, meeting her eyes long enough for Delphine to break away, to go back to the desk with her laptop and her phone and her arrangements. Nothing Cosima could do would change her mind, and if their positions were reversed, Cosima would be doing the same thing. Well, with some slight adjustments – more sex and less fidgeting with logistics, for example.

“I'm sorry,” Delphine said, “I have to make some phone calls. It's okay if you stay and listen if you want to, though.”

It was probably meant as a sweet gesture of trust, but Cosima shook her head. “I, uh, I think I'll go for a walk, actually. Maybe get some lunch.” 

Delphine nodded, her phone already to her ear and a notepad on her lap. “Okay, I'll see you soon. Je t'aime.”

She was almost at the top of the stairs when she heard the last words, and when she turned, Delphine was in a conversation with someone in French. She met Cosima's eyes, though, and smiled when Cosima blew a kiss at her. It was the best she could do. 

* *

She walked down the street several blocks until she reached the professional district, where people in crisp suits chatted about computer codes and networks as they waited for food at various food trucks. Cosima stood behind a gaggle of young office workers waiting for Korean tacos, and listened to them talking over each about teleworking and webinars, words she hoped would never come out of her own mouth. When it was her turn, she ordered three bulgogi tacos with pickled cabbage and lime crema, and a chicken bowl with poached egg and salsa for Delphine.

Back at the Rabbit Hole, she found Delphine in the same position, laptop, phone, notepad, and all. She leaned beside her, butt resting on the desk, and put the taco bowl next to her laptop. “Here. You didn't have much breakfast.”

Delphine's eyes still had bags under them that hadn't been there two years ago, but she smiled and thanked her. “What is it?”

“Chicken and egg bowl. Nothing pickled, don't worry.”

Delphine pulled a stool over with her foot and gestured for Cosima to sit. They ate together in silence, with Delphine checking her phone every few bites. Sometimes it buzzed and she swiped it open, plastic knife still between her fingers, but then she frowned and put it down again. Cosima watched, and ate.

The phone buzzed again as Cosima gathered up their trash, but this time, Delphine jumped up. She swirled her finger over the screen, then held it to her ear as she ran up the stairs and out of the lab. Cosima sighed, and pondered.

Maybe she could hide Delphine's computer, and then, while she searched for it, run her cell phone through the autoclave. She'd be pissed, of course, and the scenario probably wouldn't end with her lying naked in bed with Cosima, but it was an idea.

Overhead, Delphine paced. Her footsteps went north, then south, then north again across the floor of the comic shop. Once in a while, Hell-wizard's chair rolled a foot or so and back again. Cosima poked the inoculation vials. She could go to France instead of Delphine, but her French was even worse than Adele's, and Delphine had already vetoed the suggestion of Cosima joining her. 

Maybe she could fold herself inside Delphine's suitcase.

After ten minutes, Delphine returned. Her feet were soft on the steps, and she smiled. 

“Well, I'm guessing no one we care about is dead,” Cosima said. 

“No. No one's dead. Ehm, no one's dead that wasn't dead before, at any rate.” Her smile slipped, and Cosima laughed despite herself. 

“That's also good. No zombies, please.”

“Right.” Delphine tucked her hands in her back pockets and looked as shy as she had at Revival, when she returned out of the blue from Sardinia. “Um... I was wondering... do you still want me to stay?”

“Like, stay here, instead of going to France?”

She nodded.

“Fuck yeah I want you stay. I'm not really under any illusions about you doing it, though.”

“Well, maybe you should be.”

This was different. “Oh?”

“Yes. Um, Adele called while you were out, and, well, we talked, and she offered to go to France in my place.”

“Even though her French sucks?”

Delphine shrugged. “It's maybe not that important, after all. And, maybe we don't have to hide our contact in France, you know. There are other countries close by.”

“Yeah, I guess Europe's a small place.” 

Delphine stood there, looking hopeful and vulnerable and cute as hell, but Cosima waited. Too many shoes had dropped between them for there not to be another one dangling just overhead. Cosima picked at a little metal spur under her seat and chewed on her tongue.

“I thought you'd be happy,” Delphine said.

“I am happy.”

“That's not how you look.”

Because something could still fall through. Because maybe Adele would change her mind at the last minute and Delphine would still fly away before sunrise tomorrow, and maybe she wouldn't come back. Cosima rose and put her hands on Delphine's waist. “I am happy. I promise.”

And then Delphine's hands were on her face and her lips were on hers. She tasted like eggs and salsa, and she probably hated the taste of Cosima's mouth, but she kissed her anyways. 

“If Adele changes her mind,” Cosima said, once they'd pulled apart, “then...”

“If she does, I will be very angry with her.”

She grinned. Delphine Cormier really, truly angry _at her_ was an experience best left in Cosima's memory. “Has she ever seen you angry?”

“No.”

That might be for the best. Adele had the vibe of someone who could rip a person to shreds when pissed, too. “Are you really staying?”

Delphine kissed her again. “Yes. I am staying. I needed to do some work before I knew for sure, but now I do.”

“Mmm...” She nuzzled the side of her neck. “In that case, maybe I can pull you away from your little machines for a few hours, hm?” 

“Maybe.” A little bite when her neck met her shoulder made her twitch. “But we just ate.”

“Okay. So we can wait a few hours. Digest, have quick showers, brush our teeth, all that. Then we can have Thank Fuck You're Not Going to France sex.”

Delphine took her ear between her teeth and tugged a little. “Oui. We'll do all of those things.”

Cosima pulled back, ready to find some other activity to occupy her mind until then, but Delphine held her back. 

“You know, just because I'm not flying anywhere, that doesn't mean we're completely safe. I was talking to Adele about that, as well, and, you know, we're taking risks that maybe we shouldn't be taking.”

Back to this conversation, then. Okay. “I know. I know that every time I walk out that door some Neolution heavy might be waiting to pop my head off for stealing that boat, or trying to get the cure away from me. I've been sitting with that for a while. And you're not safe here, either, that's true. But at least here...” Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath. 

“At least what?”

“At least here I know if you're alive or not. At least I can see you.” 

So much for not crying. Delphine kissed her eyelids and her cheeks and held her face in her hands until the tears stopped coming. 

“Just stay here,” she whispered. 

“I will,” Delphine said. “I'll stay.”


End file.
